AFRICANS' PARENTING

Growing up under the tutelage of Nigerian parent was the best gift you ever had from them. Be forever grateful to your mum and dad, they moulded you into the piece of art you are today. Africans mostly have a lot about
parenting and values in common, our parents don’t spare the rod. If you look back at your childhood you'll still find some moments quite interesting. Moments like these are just golden.

1. Referring to adult females as “Aunties” and every adult male
as “Uncle”. Since calling people older than you by their name is quite disrespectful, we all
called older people “Uncle this” or
“Aunty that”, that was how it was and we never questioned it.

2. In Nigeria, it takes a village to raise a kid.
Your parents are not the only one who hold the responsibility for your upbringing, there are always Aunties, Uncles, Neighbours, Church members, that will put you back on track when you misbehave. You could get spanked at any time by these same “Uncles” and “Aunties. One hand does not nurse a child.

3. Wearing a uniform outfit with your siblings.
Parents made sure siblings wore “Anko”. There is always something to celebrate in
Nigeria, and celebrations always go with new clothes. There comes that moment when you have to wear the same family outfit for an event, let say
wedding. Special clothes are for special days, and you get to wear them only for these occasions.

4. Seeing your parent kiss.
We don’t see our parent kiss or say I love you; seeing your parent show their affection through ways like kissing is like waiting to witness Abu Shekau give his life to christ. You hardly see your dad telling your mum -I love you, or
even when he does it comes out so starchy and dry, you might think he was giving an order, no emotions at all.

5. The Awkward Moment.
As a kid, if You’re in the
sitting room with your parents watching a movie, then a romantic sex scene appears on the screen, the look on your
parents’ faces at such moment is just epic!

6. We always had a big family.
There is always a relative that comes to visit, and some of this relative ended up not going back and becoming a family member.

7. What your parent says is final.
You don’t correct your parent, even when you know they’re wrong. An adult is someone who is always right. Wrong is only what your parents call -WRONG,
as they are always right. If your parent says Yoruba is the language spoken in heaven, dude better you agree! ’cause
that is it and not for you to argue upon.

8. “I did not kill my mum, you can’t come and kill me”.
Trust me, If your mum didn’t tell you this phrase you didn’t grow up in Nigeria.

9. Let’s go to the market, we won’t take long!
African mums can bargain till
thy kingdom come, they'll spent one hour trying to buy just a derica/mudu of rice.
Mum: How much is a derica of rice?
Seller: 300 Naira Ma.
Mum: 300 Naira for this kind rice? No oo, I will pay 150.
Seller: Madam, bag of rice don cost now o, ok bring 200 as you be customer.
Mum: No no, it’s 150
Seller: Oya bring the 150 madam.
Mum: E no gree 120 Naira?

10. When a visitor who comes to your house gives you money.
Mayo Mayo, take this 50 Naira, get yourself something nice for New year.
Mayo: Thank you, sir! *thinking of all the stuff he would buy soon.
Next moment, mama mayo comes in after accompanying the visitor to his car, “hey where is that 1000 Naira Uncle Ben
gave you. Bring it, I will keep it for
you”. She collects a little cash from you to get something, and when you later ask her for it, she will be like- have you paid me back your school fees?

11. Thou shall not lie…
“As a child of God, you must not lie”, your parent will ring this into your tiny narrow ears right from an infant. But in some certain situation they change the condition!
Mummy can I follow you out to Uncle Ben’s place.
Mum: Yes, Oya go put on your shoes.
Next moment, you return to find out she’s long gone.

12. Saving the meat for the last
Till date, I still eat my food and reserve the meat for the last which sometimes can be embarrassing, I don’t know who
said it must be this way but that is just what our parent drilled into us; The meat must be eating last period!

13. Sarcasm and Body language. Your parents don’t need to open their mouth each time to pass a message, a single facial expression when you go to
visit a family friend already tells you why you should say No to the food they just offered you. Before age 10 I had
mastered more than 1000 body
languages and sarcasm, ok I was just exaggerating but it should be close.

Tiwa and husband by Reuben Abati

“Ol’boy, man don see something oh.”
“Wetin you see?”
“My eyes don see something. My ears don hear, and my mouth sef, I for talk something join.”
“Talk make I hear”
“No be dis Tiwa Savage and him husband matter?
The husband wey say him wife offend am, he no give  am food, him wife dey form for house but him dey open leg for other men, and na another woman they give am edible catering, and the man come vex he wan jump inside river for Lekki-Ikoyi bridge”
“Who the hell are you talking about?”
“Tiwa Savage and her husband”
“And who are those?”
“Tiwa, now. Marvin First Lady. She is one of Nigeria’s topmost female artistes. And her
husband. They are quarrelling. The husband tried to commit suicide. She says her husband
prefers to follow other women, take cocaine and ignore his responsibilities as a man and a
husband. Social media is agog with the news.
Mainstream media is feeding on it too. The man even tried to jump into the Lagoon.”
“And has he done so?”
“No. He was restrained by Banky W and Peter Okoye.”
“And who are those? Red Cross Officials?”
“You are in this country and you don’t know Banky W and Peter Okoye?”
“There is no way anyone can possibly know all the members of the Red Cross? ”
“They are musicians, not Red Cross, not NEMA”
“Oh, I see”
“Don’t tell me you are one of those dumb ones who do not know what is going on in this
country?”
“I don’t get it. Am I supposed to worry about how Tiwa Savage and her husband are savaging
the public space with their dirty linen and turning their marriage into a subject for beer parlour
gossip?”
“It is a serious matter.”
“Oh really? So, how has their matter affected the supply of petrol, the price of foodstuffs and the payment of salaries?”
“It is the biggest news of the week.”
“Of course, because the media does not know what to prioritise anymore”
“There are issues involved. Tiwa Savage’s husband wanted to commit suicide. The same
week, there was a report about a man who killed his target of amorous desire and stabbed her mother in Ilorin because the lady refused to love or marry him.”
“Love is the most potent poison in the world.
The graveyard is a prison yard of unrequited
love.”
“Tiwa Savage’s husband says…”
“You keep mentioning the wife. That husband doesn’t have a name? They should have allowed him to jump into the Lagoon, and have his wife do a special song at his funeral and go home on the left arm of another man.”
“They call him em em. actually that is the problem if you would listen to the wife. She is the breadwinner, she says and the man likes to squander money and so on and so forth.”
“Look, I am not interested in that story. I don’t want a taste of Tiwa Savage’s #Lemonade. I don’t want any tales about the #Becky-with-the- Big-Hair that served her husband “edible catering”. Or do you want the National Assembly to have a special session on a derailed marriage, or may be you want President Muhammadu Buhari to issue a statement on it? One of these days, Nigerians will start insisting that the Nigerian President should become a marriage counselor and he will be blamed for marital squabbles.”
“We are talking about celebrities. And come to think of it, in a normal country, Tiwa Savage’s husband will not have to depend on his wife. He will have a proper means of income.”
“ E ma gba mi ke. Doro Tiwa and husband fight and Nigeria no go hear word? E joor oh. As you lay your bed, you lie on it. These things happen every day. Human beings pay for the choices that they make. They learn from the outcomes of their choices. Can we have the media focus on serious matters beyond sex, infidelity, cocaine and the poverty of matrimonial matters in the household of Tiwa and Tee Blliz? Which kin name be that sef?”

The folly of anxiety

Half the people on our streets look as though life was a sorry business. It is hard to find a happy looking man or woman. Worry is the cause of their woebegone appearance. Worry makes the wrinkles; worry cuts the deep, down-glancing lines on the face; worry is the worst disease of our modern times. Care is contagious; it is hard work being cheerful at a funeral,
and it is a good deal harder to keep the frown from your face
when you are in the throng of the worry worn ones. Yet, we have no right to be dispensers of gloom;
no matter how heavy our loads may seem to be we have no right to throw their burden on others
nor even to cast the shadow of them on other hearts.
Anxiety is instability. Fret steals away force. He who dreads tomorrow trembles today. Worry is weakness. The successful men may be always wide-awake, but they never worry. Fret and fear are like fine sand, thrown into life's delicate mechanism; they cause more than half the friction; they steal half the power. Cheer is strength. Nothing is so well done as that which is done heartily, and nothing is so heartily done as that which is done happily. Be happy, is an injunction not impossible of fulfillment. Pleasure may be an accident; but happiness comes in definite ways. It is the casting out of our foolish fears that we may have room for a few of our common joys. It is the telling our worries to wait until we get through appreciating our blessings. Take a deep breath, raise your chest, lift your eyes from the ground,
look up and think how many things you have for which to be grateful, and you will find a smile growing where one may long have been unknown. Take the right kind of thought, for to take no thought would be sin, but take the calm, unanxious thought of your business, your duties, your difficulties, your disappointments and all the things that once have caused you fear, and you will find yourself laughing at most of them.